Pre-diary S.C.O.U.T., Fall 2005 -
Background - My Mom passed away in July of 2005 and I was struggling through that first fall without her. My mind, as minds tend to do, was spending a good chunk of time finding random questions about the past to test my memory. Questions that would have easily been answered 6 months ago with one phone call to my Mom. I tried to make it stop on more than one occasion but it just laughed at me and continued to frustrate me by bringing up one thing after another that I now couldn‘t remember. This particular question was simple… “what was the name of my grandmothers little white dog?” I had grown up chasing that little stinker around trying to get hold of him most of my childhood and could see him clear as a bell in my minds eye, but what the heck was his name?
This went on for a good week or so and had finally reached its climax with me rolling around on my bed sobbing because I would now never be able to remember the name of that little dog. My mom had abandoned me without refreshing my memory as to his name and now I would never know it again. This was just one of the things that 6 months ago meant absolutely nothing to me, but now seemed all important. What other things was I going to forget and never know again without my mom to fill in the blanks? There was no way I was going to make it through losing her and move on if this is how it’s going to be. Despair was threatening to suffocate me… if I could just remember that sweet little dogs name everything would be alright.
S.C.O.U.T. - The next day, I was sitting in a doctors office looking through an old magazine and came across an advertisement and review for a movie starring Jude Law. It was a re-make of the movie “Alfie” starring Michael Caine. There it was. My stomach flipped over and I fought back the tears. Alfie. His name was Alfie. The tears won out and began to flow as I read on and was stunned to find that the original movie was filmed in 1966. The year I was born. Thanks mom. I love you too. It’s still gonna be tough, but I’m starting to think I might make it… and yes, everyone in the waiting room was now staring at me. I could have cared less.
Background - My Mom passed away in July of 2005 and I was struggling through that first fall without her. My mind, as minds tend to do, was spending a good chunk of time finding random questions about the past to test my memory. Questions that would have easily been answered 6 months ago with one phone call to my Mom. I tried to make it stop on more than one occasion but it just laughed at me and continued to frustrate me by bringing up one thing after another that I now couldn‘t remember. This particular question was simple… “what was the name of my grandmothers little white dog?” I had grown up chasing that little stinker around trying to get hold of him most of my childhood and could see him clear as a bell in my minds eye, but what the heck was his name?
This went on for a good week or so and had finally reached its climax with me rolling around on my bed sobbing because I would now never be able to remember the name of that little dog. My mom had abandoned me without refreshing my memory as to his name and now I would never know it again. This was just one of the things that 6 months ago meant absolutely nothing to me, but now seemed all important. What other things was I going to forget and never know again without my mom to fill in the blanks? There was no way I was going to make it through losing her and move on if this is how it’s going to be. Despair was threatening to suffocate me… if I could just remember that sweet little dogs name everything would be alright.
S.C.O.U.T. - The next day, I was sitting in a doctors office looking through an old magazine and came across an advertisement and review for a movie starring Jude Law. It was a re-make of the movie “Alfie” starring Michael Caine. There it was. My stomach flipped over and I fought back the tears. Alfie. His name was Alfie. The tears won out and began to flow as I read on and was stunned to find that the original movie was filmed in 1966. The year I was born. Thanks mom. I love you too. It’s still gonna be tough, but I’m starting to think I might make it… and yes, everyone in the waiting room was now staring at me. I could have cared less.
