Background - I’m socially awkward. Actually that’s being kind, I’m a social moron and I’m so bad at remembering peoples names that I’ve developed an entire coping system to never have to say a name unless I know the person super well. “Hey buddy“, “Hello darlin”, or “Hey there“ and “How are YOU?” (with the emphasis on you) are devised to sound like I know your name so well I don’t even have to use it. I know its pathetic, but I’ve learned to accept this character flaw and even live with it.
Live with it that is, until I’m faced with yet another social test. I agreed to meet a group of woman that I don’t know very well for happy hour at a local restaurant and had worked myself into a frenzy on the way to the gathering. I’d convinced myself that, not only would I not remember their names, but I wouldn’t even recognize their faces in the restaurant. I would walk right past their table as they stared at me wondering “what the hell is she doing?” and then the obvious follow-up question, “what the hell is wrong with her?”. My secret would be out. “She’s a social moron“ they would say. I almost considered turning the car around with the thought of it, but stopped myself mid-panic. “Hold it together Guen. Don’t be ridiculous. Its going to be fine. Your going to go into that restaurant, find these nice ladies and have a laugh. Seriously, would you grow up please” I chastised myself.
S.C.O.U.T. - I had just finished calming myself and picturing the entire evening going smooth as silk when my cell phone rang. I pulled into a parking lot to take the call. “Hey Guen, its Lauren, we’re at the third table on the left after you pass the hostess stand. Just wanted you to know which table we’re at when you get here”. My first thought was “you’ve got to be kidding me! That‘s just what I needed to know in order to avoid my usual embarrassing calamity!” and my second thought was “congratulations! At least you had HER name right”.
What a strange case of uncanny timing. Sweet! Social angst resolved I thought, while taking a moment to note the awesome timing of that phone call…ask and ye shall receive!
I pulled into the restaurant behind four other cars only to find every single space in the lot filled. Peeling off early from the pack, I figured that I had no choice but to park in the over-flow lot and walk. As I began down the main aisle, I decided there was nothing to lose by playing a few rounds of “the parking space game“. Creeping down the aisle I repeated to my empty car “ I will find a good space. I will find a good space. I will find a good space and not have to walk from the dark, spooky over flow lot”.
I reached the very end of the aisle and my eyes settled on the only open spot in the sea of parked cars. It was the first space in the aisle, and one of the closest spaces to the front door…must be a handicapped spot. I squinted to find the wheelchair sign, but quickly realized there wasn’t one. Unbelievable!! You’ve got to be kidding me!! The other four cars went trundling past me headed for the over-flow parking as I sat laughing my ass off. What a truly uncanny case of timing this night was turning into!! Where’s that goofy dog of mine?!!
No comments:
Post a Comment