August 20, 2010 - A lesson you won't soon forget

Background – My youngest son had the same Social Studies teacher two years following my older son.  This teacher told both of my boys this story, which seems to show that it made a lasting impression on him.

The teacher was hanging around the house on a day with very little going on when the doorbell rang.  He answered the door and found a young Mormon on his doorstep poised to deliver “the message”.  Normally he would have said “no thank you” and politely closed the door, but this particular day was so slow that he uncharacteristically decided to listen to what the kid had to say for a short while.  He ended up allowing this young man to cover quite a bit of information about the Mormon Church, including its history, its message and many of its current practices.  After a much longer time than he had planned, the conversation came to an end and he thanked the young missionary for the interesting lesson and told him that he would think about some of the things they had talked about.

S.C.O.U.T. - The following week, the teacher, who was a student at the time, went to his own Social Studies class and was surprised to find that a large part of the exam he had come to take was, in fact, on the Mormon Church.  During his studies, he hadn't anticipated this and therefore would have failed the test completely if not for visit from that young Mormon.  As it was, he passed the test with flying colors! On each occasion that he told this story to one of my kids, they said they could see how he was still amazed at the uncanny timing of the event.  Once again trying to impress upon this current class how “strange” it was that he had, on a whim, done something so out of character only to have that very thing play so crucially into the following weeks events.  It was however eighth grade, which is an age group nearly impossible to impress, therefore I feel certain that the next class will also be hearing about this bizarre turn of events and maybe they’ll see the “strange case of uncanny timing” in his story! 

My goofy dog Scout just wants to know if those "Mormon guys" bring treats with them to the door?  If so, he could find it within himself to forget his "vicious dog" routine and let them in the house.  Typical.

August 25, 2010 - Lightly popped love, courtesy of the universe

Background – On a whim, I bought my hubbie some “lite” kettle corn at Trader Joe’s today (good stuff…110cal/pkg, 3g fiber and only 4g sugar!).  I never buy him snack food.  I mean never, ever, ever; and I don’t have a good explanation as to why I picked up this bag of “lite” kettle corn and dropped it in my basket on this particular day.  The hubbie will back me up on this one, and add that the low fat triscuits and whole wheat pretzels I’ve tried in the past don’t count as “snack food”, neither of which he ate, or appreciated.

S.C.O.U.T. – When he got home from work, I proudly presented him with my impromptu gift.  He took one look at the bag and said “Oh, you saw that report on “The Today Show” this morning”. 

I thought for a moment and then shook my head “no”. 

Certain that I must have seen the report (as this is the only possible explanation for why I had bought him Kettle Corn to snack on) he elaborated.  “You know, the report where the lady said that lite, popped snacks are best” he said while nodding his head and waving his arm in an attempt to help me remember. 

I still had to say “No, I didn’t see that report”. 

Perplexed now, he said more to himself “that’s weird because after I watched the report I thought “I think I’ll get me some of those lite, popped snacks”( I could almost see his wheels turning “there’s no way she can say “no” to “lightly popped snack food”) .  Humph, “I guess you get what you ask for!” he announced triumphantly after snatching the bag from me and heading for the family room.  What a strange case of uncanny timing!

For the record, “lightly popped kettle corn” is a poor substitute for the real thing, as the now stale, only half eaten bag in the pantry will testify.  My goofy dog Scout is annoyed that God, the universe and the “powers that be” haven’t delivered the snack food that he’s been asking for, including snausages and pigs ears (blekkhh).  Perhaps I’ll give him the rest of Dads uneaten, infinitely healthy, “treat”… he is not amused, and not interested.

August 20, 2010 - What a waste... Yuuukkkk!!!

Background – Wednesday of this week I watched a previously recorded episode of the show called “Monsters Inside Me” (not a show for the faint of heart).  This episode chronicled the story of a man who, after a traumatic run-in with a swarm of angry bees (no, that’s not the punch line!), developed seasonal allergies so intense that he began to get desperate.  His aunt told him about a program she had watched on TV where doctors were using worms to treat all sorts of autoimmune disorders, and specifically using hook worms to treat allergies.  Upon looking into the matter further, the man became convinced that it could work.  He promptly booked a trip to a small African village that had a very rudimentary sewage system in order to be able to walk around barefoot in the human waste (I warned you – Yuukkk!!).  Just as planned, he was able to infect himself with hook worms, and now claims that his allergies are infinitely better to this very day, all the while managing the health challenges that his new “intestinal residents” present, uugghh.

As you might expect, I couldn’t shake the weird, yukiness of this story and walked around grossing myself out with it for the next two days.

S.C.O.U.T. – Two nights later, I hop into bed and pick up my Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader to catch up on a little fascinating, random trivia.  Popping open the book to the last section, which I read three weeks ago, the very first title in the lineup, is… “The Worms Crawl In”.  My first thought was YGTBKM (you’ve got to be kidding me) as I eagerly continued on to confirm my suspicions; not only did this topic top my grossest subject list, but it was also about to become a S.C.O.U.T.  This section was indeed about using parasites to treat everything from arthritis to psychiatric disorders.  The chills ran up and down my arms as I contemplated the strange appearance of this article.  I had never, ever heard of this bizarre treatment, and yet two completely unrelated sources had presented me with this concept within a two day period; simply uncanny.  I wonder if there’s a worm to cure a chronic case of the “S.C.O.U.T.s”?

Have you ever heard of this bizarre treatment?  Have you ever heard of this bizarre treatment twice in two days? No, I thought not.  My goofy dog Scout is too yukked out to discuss; he did however muster enough strength to request seconds on his heart worm medication.  

"Well, la di fricken da", a tribute to Chris Farley from God and the universe

Background – My friend Adrianne and I were having a chat in the fluffy, comfy chairs in the front lobby of Golds Gym; which is way, way better than having a chat on the medieval torture device they call the “Elliptical”.  We got talking about one of our favorite comedians, Chris Farley and how funny he was and how tragic his life ended.  We ran through a couple of our favorite movies and then movie lines, giggling all the while at the silliness that was Chris Farley.  The conversation ended with us agreeing he was one of the greats, and we moved on to another topic, any topic, to justify avoiding the annoyed and scolding Elliptical that was calling my name.

S.C.O.U.T. - Not five minutes later a man walked passed us wearing a t-shirt that read “Your Motivational Speaker” and under the caption was a picture of none other than… Chris Farley!!  The t-shirt was a reference to his famous Saturday Night Live skit where he was hired to lecture teenagers on the pitfalls of living in a van down by the river!!!  Adrianne and I were stunned.

Here are the questions I would ask the doubters… “When was the last time you had a conversation about Chris Farley?”, “When was the last time you saw a picture of Chris Farley on a t-shirt, seeing as he died in 1997?”, and finally “When was the last time those two events occurred randomly within minutes of each other?!!” 

My goofy dog Scout can see your still doubting.  That’s alright, I’ll keep trying.  Tune in next week….you fricken doubters ;)

P.S. – As I hit the final key for this entry, I hear a sound floating in from the family room that I instantly recognize from watching the movie “Tommy Boy” umpteen million times… its Chris Farley speaking into his office fan in his deepest voice “Luuuke, I am your faaather”!!!  “The Today Show" is doing a spot on classic movies and this is the clip they choose to play at this very moment?  Coincidence?  COME ON, YGTBKM!!!  I have never, not once, heard that scene played unless I was watching the movie!  Brrrrrr, does anyone feel the chill that just ran down my spine?